Try
by Sugarbubblez
Summary: Trory: Tristan and Rory's marriage falls apart. Where did it all go wrong? Here's their story.
1. Confessions

Pairing: Trory, duh. Unfortunately, this will be a angst/drama type of fan fiction, or so I hope; so bear with me!

Author's note: Those who remember my fics, thanks for your support. Unfortunately, I doubt that Innocent Angel and Incarceration will be finished.  (But hey, miracles do happen) I'm very sorry, if you were hoping for an ending… I feel that I have lost my momentum and ideas; I did have plans for it, but right now, it's not the right time to rush and finish the story. I do expect that people will not like my stories, or my writing, but the negative comments just seemed to put writers block on me, but I'm trying my best to fix the problem by rereading my story, and brainstorming ideas (I'm so lost, I don't remember where I ended) and finish it soon.

Also, it's not grammatically perfect, I'm doing this for fun, I'm not making money from this, so don't expect perfection. If you don't like it, don't read it; simple as 1, 2, 3. This is an outlet for me, and I feel that people should express their creativity. Seriously, if you do like it, please R&R, but if you don't just click the browser to close.

_Love can sometimes be magic. But magic can sometimes...just be an illusion. - Javan._

When I first met my husband-to-be, it was not what the movies described. There was no love at first sight, or even second sight for that matter. Actually, it took probably more than a billion 'sights' before I even considered a date with him, and when I did finally fall in love with him, it was incredible. It was fast, it was whirling and it had this heady feeling… like taking drugs. It got addictive, and I wanted that feeling to last forever. I felt like I was floating on air, or walking across the clouds. But we all know that good things can't always last forever. It's like chocolate: when we were kids, chocolate tasted so good – it's delicious, and it melted in your mouth beautifully. Then you find out that chocolate, and sugar in general, were bad for our teeth and our health.  

I want to tell you the story how I fell in love, and how I fell out of love with my husband. Don't get me wrong, I do love my husband, but I wonder if I'm _in _love with him. Now how do I tell you the story of my life? Where did it all fall apart? Can I go back? Can we, our marriage go back to what it was? So many questions, and I can't seem to answer them. I went to one of the best schools in the world, and they could have not _ever_ prepared me for this, and I never expected that my marriage with him would end up like this. We both said hateful things that we wished we took back, and I wish I had done things differently. But no matter what I have done, he doesn't love me less. Anyone who met us in high school would not believe me if I told them that he is the most wonderful man, husband, and friend to me in the world, or how giving and generous he is with his heart. That's what makes this story so hard for me to tell you. There is no way to justify my actions. This story will make me the villain in my marriage, not the saint that people believe me to be. But he would not agree with me, he would blame himself for the failure of our marriage - that's how much he loves me. That's what makes me feel so guilty for not loving him as much as he deserved to be loved.

Let me tell you something. Marriage is a fickle thing. It's not easy like a relationship, because you just can't give up so easily, yet when you're married, you don't want to give up easily either, even when you desperately want to. You really have to work hard, and no, love does not conquer everything. Love gives you the _motivation_ to try harder and fix the problem. When I was a kid, mom and I loved to watch Love Story. The one line that haunts me to this day is when Jenny Cavalleri tells her husband, Oliver Barrett IV, "Love means never having to say you're sorry". I just wish marriage was simple as that line. 

                When I married him, I promised to be a good and loving wife, to be faithful for all the days of our lives. I promised to be there for him in good and the bad, for better or for worse. I promised all those things and more, and somewhere down the line, I forgot about them. We both took our marriage and ourselves for granted, and forgot that love did not conquer all. Love did not give us an excuse for bad behavior and false promises. We let things go by, and didn't communicate like a married couple should. We thought we had the time to fix our problems, and that was our fault. We _watched_ our marriage fall apart in shambles. The worst part is - we stood there idly while it fell apart. Does that disgust you? Because it should, since it does to me.

                I wish this wasn't so hard, but it is. There is no going around it; I have to tell someone other than him. If I don't tell you what happened, I think I'm going to go crazy. Or maybe I am. If I was sane, I wouldn't have done the things I thought I never would have done. But it's all just "what ifs" and "I wished…." I can't turn back time, as much as I want to. I have all the proof of the pain I caused. Our house is silent, and I go crazy from it. I still hear the cries and the words we've said. The broken hearts of ours is barely there and beating. Even though we yelled and cried a lot, the pain is still there. I feel his and mine, and I wish it didn't have to end this way. Maybe we can fix it, but I highly doubt it. We haven't even tried to solve our problem; I think we're both subconsciously waiting for love to fix our problem. At this point, I don't even know if I believe in love. I thought he was the love of my life, and when I carelessly broke my promise, my marriage to him, I suddenly wondered if love existed.

                Most of all, I'm mad at myself for letting my marriage come to this. I look at him, and I see his heart in his eyes. Then I see the tears. Then all I want to do is cry for hurting him this badly, because he didn't deserve any of this. He was the innocent, for all he did was love me. I'm the one who betrayed him, by breaking his heart in the worst possible way. Yes, as you can guess, I did cheat on him. People sometimes cheat on their spouse when they go through their mid-life crisis, or just for the thrill of it. If those were my reasons for cheating on him, we probably could save our marriage. For me, it was a completely different reason. I, Lorelai "Rory" Leigh Gilmore Dugray, cheated on my husband with Jess Mariano, for love. I think that when I cheated on him, it hurt him, but not devastated him. For infidelity can be fixed and talked through. It's a solvable problem where the hurting party can forgive the cheating spouse.  My husband had this thing called hope. He was hoping that we can fix our problem. But the problem wasn't as simple as he had first thought.

 I told my husband, Tristan Dugray, I wasn't in love with him anymore. And that broke his heart. 

As of right now, I have a general idea where the story will go, but I'm still … eh, about it, so bear with me. I had so many things to say and write, but at the time when I'm writing it out, I forget what I wanted to say. So you're just going to have to endure this crap. 

Please Read and Review; nice comments only!!! It's been a long while since I've written anything, so I'm a bit out of practice, but hopefully I can improve as the chapters go by. I know that the paragraphs are a bit awkward and all, but as I said, I'm out of practice. So thanks for taking your time to read this and I promise to finish this story not like the others, just keep on reviewing to give me that motivation I need. 


	2. Proclaimations

_You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly. - Sam Keen_

When I was younger, I thought that I was all that. True, no one really disillusioned me; everyone treated me like a king, because eventually, I would have been a king. Well, close to. I would have taken over my father's corporate firm, DugrayCorp, which was currently listed as Fortune 500, and it was placed as number three after IKEA and Microsoft for more than fifty-eight years. It was also expected of me to have a trophy wife – someone like Louise or Madeline. My trophy wife would have to have been beautiful, wealthy in her own right, docile, and a great entertainer for big social events, and not too intelligent. If she happened to be intelligent, then that would have been a bonus, and if love entered the equation, well… we all can't hope too much.

You know, my life was great before she entered my life. I had everything, everyone and no conscious to what was morally right and wrong. In fact, having one night stands, and dating every pretty girl at Chilton was praised upon, not frowned on. I had no real worries, and the biggest worry in my life was which car to drive to school; my Porsche or my Bentley, or if my hair had the perfect "just got out of bed" look. In fact, dating wasn't even a problem. Because all I had to do was stand there, and let the girls fall all over me. If I happened to be mildly interested, I just smiled and take her back to my car for more privacy. Life was easy for me. It was all planned and mapped out for me, and all I had to do was follow the blue print. As you can guess, I didn't follow what my parents, or even what my grandparents planned for me. I mapped out my own destiny, and I never imagined that this would be my life.

I should tell you where my life suddenly changed for me. I met this girl, a Mary, an innocent girl with blue eyes and brown hair. She wasn't extraordinarily pretty or was she even classically beautiful. She was in fact, very studious and intelligent. She wasn't social or outgoing and instead she preferred the company of books. She did not participate in superficial world of ours with the casual fornication or mindless chitchats of catty girls. But instead she preferred the steadiness of a dependable, loving boyfriend and few close friends.   She was the epitome of goodness and wholesome and the opposite of a trophy wife. She was meant to discover and question the world around her. I met her in school when I was sixteen, and for so long, she was this conquest that I had to have in order to prove myself of a worthy king. She was just another number, or should have been; girls before her had been dominated and had their hearts broken by me, and she should have been too. I just never expected that she would be the one who broke mine instead. Now, I can agree with you that this story seems like the perfect movie story plot or the similar strings of fairy tales that are so predictable. Well let me tell you, if life was a fairy tale, I wouldn't be hurting so much right now.

When I first met the Mary – Rory, I teased and bugged her relentlessly. I couldn't figure out why she hadn't fallen for my charms. I mean not to be cocky, but I knew I was attractive. I wasn't stupid or had B.O or had a completely repulsive mannerism, au contraire, I was the opposite of that. I was intelligent enough to be the top three percentile of my class, and I had no repulsive behavior or mannerism. The girls I slept with can tell you that. I was, in fact, a complete gentleman – well at front. I never had to work so hard to get a girl's attention, and trust me; I did try hard for her to notice me. I made sure I found out what her favorite band or singer was, and what her favorite book was. I did everything to make sure that I knew all about Rory. To annoy her was the only way for her to talk to me, the only way I could find something about her. When I made her angry, it forced her to say more than one word to me. It forced her to _notice_ me.

Well, I left Chilton, the place where I reined the school and placed in a military school in North Carolina. I got there because I did some rebellious things in my sophomore year in high school. I left everyone and everything I had known to be in a foreign place where I thought I had to start all over again. Truth be told, military school was a smaller scale of Chilton. It all consisted of rich kids who were overly spoilt and who had nothing better to do other than cause some trouble. This was the place where rich kids were sent to when they rebelled against society's norm. Almost like the Malibu drug and alcohol abuse center for the celebrities. Being placed in the military school was just a slight aberration in my life. When I returned back to Hartford, this incident was never mentioned and my life continued on to way it was before. My lifestyle didn't change, nor did my time in military school make me a stronger person – but I did grow up. I guess it was expected from everyone that people should eventually grow up. Two years was a lot time, and to be honest, when I left to go to Yale, I had forgotten about Rory. But I was indeed surprised when I bumped into her at a local café, and it took me another minute to recognize her as Rory.

We both had changed considerably. We were both more grown up, and placed in different circumstances, where my parents could not always hover over me and where it forced her to grow up. We both became different people in that short two year span and it showed. We met throughout our four years at Yale sporadically. When we had the time, we would catch up with a cup of coffee, and then not see each other for several months. It was an easy friendship – something that could not have been cultivated at Chilton. If someone at Chilton asked me if I'd ever be friends with Rory later on, I would have laughed in their face. The King of Chilton and Hartford could not form camaraderie with a potential conquest, it was not expected, for a conquest was meant to be disposed of after their use was done. But somehow she managed to forgive me, for Rory did not know how to hold a grudge. There was always a part of me that regretted that I had not tried to make our friendship into more. I had always respected her and, truth me told, a bit besotted with her. Unfortunately, I never did get my chance, and we lost touch after graduation. I did; however, take over DugrayCorp, got engaged to my future trophy wife Louise and had my life was set for me.

Our mothers already planned out our wedding before hand, and all we had to do was sit there and wait. Louise and I; however, got to decide on a summer wedding instead of spring as our mothers wanted us to. The count down to the wedding was three weeks, and my life was fine. I had accepted it, and did not question if this was right for _me_. I was just a puppet for the bigger picture in my parent's plan for their life and mine. Three weeks before my wedding, Rory walked into my life. We had not seen each other for three years, and this time, it was not the friendship that I wanted to settle for. Ironically we met again at a local coffee shop. She was sitting down at a small table by the corner, her nose buried in a book and sipping coffee. When I was looking around to see where I could sit down, a head of brown hair caught my eye. Strange, for blondes usually stood out for their fair coloring, but the studious head reminded me of someone I had cared for long ago. While everyone was paired up and talking, this one lone figure kept to herself. When the brunette walked away from her table to buy more coffee, did I notice then that this mysterious figure was indeed Rory. It took her a moment to realize standing before her, looking dumbfounded, holding a hot cup of coffee, was me, Tristan Dugray. She smiled when she did finally notice me, and a part of me felt something different. This was the moment that I was waiting for since high school – for her to _notice_ me. Not notice me as an annoying nemesis, or a friend, but as a person who could be worthy of her heart. Don't ask me why how I could tell that from one smile, but I felt something change at that moment. Maybe it was the right time, or fate decided it was time, or maybe because we were older and a bit wiser… but whatever it was, my life changed right there. 

I couldn't let this one get away from me, and I had to take that chance. I asked her if I could join her at her table, and she agreed and we sat there for two hours catching up before reality had to set in that we both had to go back to work. She never did become that reporter she always wanted to be, but rather, surprisingly a lawyer. I asked for her number to keep in touch, and asked her out for dinner that same day. She agreed and I blew off plans to be with Louise. Slowly, in the week that I met Rory again, I ignored Louise even more and spent more time with Rory, making excuses to my own fiancée to why I was so busy. I had finally decided that it was worth taking that risk to be with Rory, and broke off my engagement to Louise. The future at that point wasn't certain for the first time in my life, since I didn't know how Rory felt about me.  But I didn't care, because I honestly had to say, I was in love with Rory. My whole family and Louise's were shocked by my announcement when I told them I wanted out from my engagement. I offered no explanation, due to the fact that I wanted to protect Rory and her reputation. Also a part of me didn't want to share Rory yet, until I was certain that she would return the feelings to me. Our engagement was a shock to everyone, when we did finally announce it, since no one knew I was seeing Rory.

Maybe I was selfish. Or maybe it was the fact that I was so in love with Rory. I couldn't bear the idea of sharing her with anyone, and so I kept our relationship a secret for the first three months to myself. Our relationship was a whirlwind, and things happened so fast. Maybe if I just paced our relationship, maybe all this…mess could have been avoided. But I needed Rory like I needed air, and I had to get her to marry me before she realized that I wasn't worthy of her and found someone who was. But I couldn't stand the idea that she could be lost to me forever, so I asked her to marry me after we were dating for five months. Surprisingly, she left common sense and said yes. We married shortly after our engagement, because I was scared she might have changed her mind. Rory had made my life, which was _fine _before, into perfect.

The first ten years of our marriage was what the fairy tales of a Disney movie made out to be, almost like Cinderella. But all good things had to come at an end. I wanted Rory to be proud of me as a man who could stand on his own feet with out the safety net of his parents. So I had resigned from DugrayCorp and decided to work for someone else. I got a job as a CFO in another company and had to work hard and long hours to support Rory and myself. Even though it was a lucrative job, it required me to put in long hours. Quite often I had to cancel our dinner plans, and stayed in the office finishing up reports, or forgot even to call Rory that I was going to be late again. I guess the lonely nights while I was working was too much for Rory, and she got lonely. She took more jobs that were offered which required her to leave the state for a case. Before, she would reject those offers in order that she could spend more time with me, but as years went on, we just didn't make time for _us. _Sometimes I too had to leave the country in order to negotiate deals, and she would leave town to finish up a case, and it was very rare for us to even talk to each other on the phone. It soon became a commuter's marriage, where the husband and wife had to schedule each other into their busy lifestyle.

They say, when their spouse cheats on them, the other would just know. For me, I never felt a change in Rory, nor did I suspect a thing. I thought we were in love and that love would keep us together. I couldn't have been more wrong. I should have noticed that Rory went back to New York quite often, and that she would call me less frequently when she was there.  I should have been there for her and see that our marriage was falling apart and tried to fix it. I should have done something, _anything_. I should have notice something! I blame myself for the failure in my marriage causing Rory to cheat on me. But I wish it was simple as her cheating on me for a nameless face, a stranger who meant nothing to Rory. When she told me the name of the other man, the situation became more real and daunting to me.

                My worst nightmare came true. Rory fell in love with someone else.  I'm so scared that she will leave me to be with him. I always knew I wasn't good enough for Rory's love. But I thought giving all that I was would be. I thought Rory was the one who was naive, but perhaps I'm the one who is, for I never thought my marriage to Rory would end this way. But I won't let him have her, if he wants her, he'll have to fight for her because I won't let Rory go without a fight.

I can honestly tell you, no man will love Rory as much as I love her even after all that she has done to me. The only way that she can make me let her go is when she tells me it's really over.


	3. Consequences

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters from Gilmore Girls

Pairing: Obviously who else do I write for? But read on.

Author's note: Wow, it's been awhile since I wrote, but I just got a glimpse how it would end. But the rest might be just rushed since I don't want to forget how it will end. So bear with me and mind that this is only so I could finish the fan fiction and move on.

Mini Spoiler for this story: This chapter and most likely the last chapter will be confusing. Just a note, there will be only two more chapters: this and the epilogue.

I remembered when Rory finally told me about her affair with Jess. It was one night when I had come home early to have dinner with her for the first time in months. It was to celebrate with her for finally putting a close to a case she had been working on for several months. I had been away for few days in Washington and wasn't planning to be home until few more days, but I couldn't wait and I missed Rory so much, I had decided to fly over back home to Hartford for the day and fly back to Washington before anyone could notice I was missing, and surprise my wife. When I entered the house, the house was dark with only few candle lights leading towards the dining room. It wasn't scandalous like people in the novels wrote about; finding their spouse in bed with another. No. Jess and Rory were having a romantic, candle light dinner, staring at each other's eyes – looks of love shining in their eyes.

I stood there, my suit rumpled slightly from the flight, holding Rory's favorite flowers – daisies. I felt like a fool, and my heart was breaking in millions of pieces watching before my eyes the scene that it presented to me. They quickly withdrew their hands, and Rory stood up, "Tristan…."

I couldn't stand to hear her say my name with _him_ in the room. I ignored Rory for few minutes and looked at Jess and told him"_Get out!_" Jess didn't need to be told twice and before he left, he kissed Rory's cheek and whispered, "I'll call you later." Jess walked himself out, leaving me and Rory standing by the table, silent, waiting for someone, anyone to make a sound.

"How…when…?" I asked. My voice was chocked, and full of unmentioned hurt.

Rory stood, her eyes glazing down to the floor, her feet shuffling slightly, uncomfortable from the silence, and sorry for the hurt she was causing Tristan.

"A year almost"

"Today was your anniversary with him." It was a statement. I didn't want lies; I just wanted to know some answers and think through on how our marriage had come down to this.

Rory didn't have to confirm, her silence spoke more than anything else.

"Tristan…I think we need a di…" before she could finish her word I tiredly told her, "Don't ever mention the word divorce so easily like that to me." I tossed her daisies on the table and left her standing there, and entered our bedroom closing the door. The next maybe hour or two, maybe longer, for I had lost track of time, I sat on our bed thinking where I went wrong.

I knew that Tristan blamed himself for the crumbles of our marriage when I saw the hunched back facing me as he walked into our bedroom. As I saw the daisies he had tossed to the dining table, a tear dropped from my eyes down to the wood floors of our dining room. _They were my favorite._ He had surprised me by coming home early from his business trip. Then, here I was, taking advantage of that knowledge, knowing that he was away on business, inviting Jess over to celebrate our "anniversary". I couldn't believe that I brought Jess, to my home where Tristan and I lived. It was so callous of me, and unlike anything hurtful I had ever done to anyone, much less to a person who didn't deserve this.

I snuffed the candles and put away the remains of the night, throwing them away in the garbage, and hating myself for hurting Tristan like this. I knew I had to explain to him, how and why this had all happened, and yet I didn't even have the answers to those questions myself. I went to the living room and sat on the floor near my favorite bay window by our living room. I sat there for hours until I heard Tristan coming out of the room. It was midnight when I finally saw him. He had not changed from his suit, but you could see the red in his eyes indicating that he did indeed cry.

Tristan walked over to me, and stood. "Why?"

I looked up and looked at him and honestly answering, "I fell in love with Jess."

"Don't you love me anymore?"

"I…I don't know. I don't think so. I mean. I do love you, but I don't know if I'm _in_ love with you anymore. I'm confused…sorry and…" I started to cry and felt the ramifications of the affair. All I had to do was to look at Tristan to know that I had hurt him greatly.

Tristan, the person that he was, knelt down and held me close as I cried my heart out even though this situation hurt him more. He whispered sweet nothings in my eyes to calm me down and that made me feel even guiltier, knowing that I didn't deserve his love or kindness.

We hugged each other for a long time. When my cries and sniffles died down, Tristan had waited a moment before asking, "Give me time. Let's fall in love again. I'll change; I won't take oversea jobs and instead delegate my work and make time for us. _Give me time_." Tristan was rambling, he knew. He was desperately holding on this his life, his _marriage_. He was grasping at straws and make Rory stay.

I moved out of his grasps and saw the hurt in his eyes once more as the actions of my behavior – pulling out of his arms told him more that this marriage was over.

Tristan stood over me, "I love _you_. I want this marriage to work. Does that mean _nothing to you!_"

I stood up, angry at Tristan at accusing me that I felt nothing for this marriage, and yet I knew it was the truth that I was giving up so easily. "What marriage, Tristan? We don't have one! Admit it. We barely see each other; we hardly know each other anymore. What are you fighting for!"

"Us! If that means anything to you anymore. The girl I knew wouldn't give up this easily. I'm fighting for my life, because I love you that much. If this marriage meant one shred of what it means to me, you wouldn't be giving up on us so easily."

We stood there looking at each other. "Tristan, keep the place." I turned to my library to take out my packed luggage. I had already planned to move out of my home with Tristan and leave him behind. I dragged the suitcases to the front corridor of our home when Tristan stopped me, "This is all that's left?"

"I'm confused."

"So, stay…let's work this out together. You and me."

I looked behind me to the house that we had built together. He was right. I didn't know why I was quitting on our marriage because it was crumbling apart. I left the suitcases at the corridor and told him quietly, "I love him."

During the past few weeks, Rory and I were both uncomfortable. We still shared the king size bed, but it felt like there was an Atlantic ocean between us. It was distant and cold. The one thing that resonated through my mind was when she told me _I love him_. It was hard, I mean, we built up this marriage and one person destroyed it. My worst fear came to life – Rory fell in love with another man.

I just knew that I didn't want to repeat those past mistakes by working so hard. I had asked the CEO and the president if I could delegate my work more to the other workers and travel less – as in, no traveling unless it was deemed as an emergency. They agreed to it surprisingly. Or maybe because they had heard the gossip rumors…or I guess the truth that my wife had almost left me for another man. When I walked the halls of the office, I could see the workers whispering and giving me pitying looks. Or maybe it was all in my head. I just know that to me, the world had gone off its axis. I had barely slept or eaten the past few weeks. All my attempts to work it out with Rory were quickly failing. We tried dating each other again, made time for each other. But emotionally Rory kept on holding herself back. She withdrew from me and from our marriage, always working in the office or in the library. When she did come out from her library, she would sit by her bay window and look out. But everyday the suitcases by the corridor stayed exactly where they were before. Sadly enough, when I saw those suitcases by the corridor by our front doors when I entered the house each and everyday, it gave me some comfort knowing that Rory was still there. How sad is it, for my life to be reduced to this? Some men might call me pathetic, but I can't help it. I love Rory too much to let her go without a fight.

One day, when Rory was staring out of the window, I saw a tear drop by her cheek. For a moment, I was angry at Rory. All I could think was _is she crying for him? For Jess?_ I stared at her, and then felt guilty for being angry at Rory. Then I slowly made my way towards her and didn't say anything. I just held her, and she let me. For the first time in weeks, it was our first contact. I relished it, and held her, never wanting to let her go. I smoothed her hair back and kissed her forehead. Then I heard a whisper, "I don't deserve you." I started to shed my own tears, tears for her, for me, for our marriage. I told her, "shhh…that's not true. I love you. You've got to believe that."

She looked up, and distanced herself from me. When she was out of my arms, I felt so cold, scared and alone. I was so scared she would stand up and leave me. Then I thought, _if she really loves him, and I really love her, I should let her go._

I was desperate for some contact with her…anything. I linked my hand with hers and held it there. "I don't know what to do anymore. I love you…and I guess it's not enough. I wish I was enough. But I love you. Maybe enough to be a greater person and let you go to him." Then I let her think it through and walked away from her. I turned back and faced her. "I'll let you think this through and see if you think this marriage is worth saving. I'll be at my parent's place. You can call me if you need anything. But take your time."

Then I grabbed few personal items from our bedroom and left Rory sitting there crying.

I never thought twice about Tristan, after he left for the Military School in North Carolina. Tristan was the type of guy no girl would forget. He tormented me, I kissed him even through the pain of adolescent breakup between me and Dean, asked me out assumingly and infuriated me. Now that I think about it, I can't believe I didn't think of Tristan not once when I dated Logan. With Logan, I had passion, companionship and experience of the blue blooded world. They had so many similar qualities – blonde, rich, confident and always trying to one-up me.

But the difference between Logan and Tristan is that, Tristan truly loves me. So much that even though my infidelity, he is willing to forgive me and continually trying to fix our marriage. So much for me. I tried to take the easy way out selfishly, not thinking about Tristan at all. Even though it's my fault, Tristan is the one who comforts me through all this mess, when it should have been _me_ comforting _him_.

Now I'm crying for Tristan. While I was staring at the sky by the bay window, I started to cry for the lost love between Tristan and me, and the future between me and Jess I had put a hold on. I felt Tristan's gaze and presence behind, and when I felt Tristan hold me and comfort me, I selfishly took it because it was familiar for me. When I pulled away, I saw something in his eyes change. It was as if he was ready to give up on us. Maybe deep inside I didn't want us to give up on us. But I was so lost and confused and wasn't thinking clearly. Luckily for me, I felt Tristan link his hand with mind. I felt that connection between him and me again. But what I heard wasn't what I was prepared to hear. I mean, I wanted him to say it, but deep down, knew, or at least thought, he would never say it.

_But I love you. Maybe enough to be a greater person and let you go to him._

When he left I started to honestly pour my pain out through my tears. I did the only thing I knew that I could do. I called mom.

Please R&R…your comments encourage me to write more. Hope you liked it. (So ok, I found a lot of mistakes, but honestly, I just want to finish this story. This is the one I truly liked. The overall concept I have in mind, just not the gritty details. So when you read it, just image it the way I am doing it right now. Fill the rest in your mind. Lol. Sorry, I know you guys are suppose to read it and I should write it so that you can see it exactly as I want you to, but I'm lazy. Lol.)


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